NYT Plans Obama Victory Party

New York Times Executive Editor Bill Keller has begun preparations for an election night Obama victory party at the venerated newspaper's headquarters. "It's gonna be, like, a totally awesome night, ya know?" Keller said. Columnist Frank Rich is in charge of procuring music and has already signed up his favorite band, the Pet Shop Boys. Maureen Dowd, as chair of the entertainment committee, has hired the Chippendales dancers. She made her choice after exhaustive research with each member of the dance team in her private office. Master of Ceremonies Bob Herbert will be using the same material he used in 2004 for the Kerry victory party. Debutante David Brooks is expected to make a splash in his new, exclusive Vera Wang gown. He will be escorted by Mr. Kathleen Parker. Bill Kristol's invitation was accidentally shredded. Jayson Blair, in his first visit back to the NYT offices since being fired for plaigirism, will be providing the blow. In the unlikely event of a McCain victory, the NYT has seven reporters covering the prevalence of racism in America. The stories have already been written.

Axis of Evil Starts PAC

The Axis of Evil announced this morning that the group will be forming a political action committee (PAC) to help in the election efforts of Sen. Barack Obama. While technically illegal, they have received assurances from the Obama campaign that it will not be an issue. The PAC will include Great Leader Kim Jong-il of North Korea and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. Saddam Hussein of Iraq was unavailable, so the group held an event called Despot Idol to find a replacement. The first winner was Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe but he was mysteriously poisoned. The eventual victor was Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was reportedly very angry when he received his low score on the final round, and was overheard saying, "I knew that Simon was a jackass. He must be working with the neoliberal Bush." When reached for comment, Ahmadinejad said he started the PAC because, "America needs change. And hope. I think Barack Obama is the man for that. He will raise taxes on businesses to ensure taxation fairness and that America is never again the world's economic leader. Oh, and he can recite the Islamic call to prayer in Arabic, which is really just the icing on the cake." He then abruptly hung up the phone because he had to officiate over a stoning of homosexuals who don't exist. Equally excited was Kim, who remarked, "This is like so totally awesome. When Mahmound called me, I was like, I am so in, and he was all like, this is going to be so hot." He then asked to speak to Hannah Montana. At the press conference announcing the addition of the Russian Prime Minister, Putin stated Obama "brings us hope and change. Hope that no one will stand in our way, and change from the current policy of so rudely defending freedom."