Thursday, September 25, 2008

Weekend at Larry's

The Edwards Report has learned through sources at CNN that famed interviewer Larry King actually died three years ago.  For the last three years, CNN has propped up King's corpse on the set of Larry King Live, switching out his trademark suspenders each night. A show producer moves King's mouth and body with string like a Marionette puppet, while a voice over announcer mimics his voice. In order to better represent King's style, the voice over announcer does neither research nor preparation for his interviews. The news was a shock to King's wife, who has shared a bed with him over the last three years. "I didn't even notice a difference in him," she was overheard commenting. The stunning news comes as King has fallen in the ratings behind even such obscure networks as CNR,which bills itself as the 24 hour Charles Nelson Reilly network, the Polka! Polka! Polka! channel, and MSNBC, a news network dedicated to serving the needs of the hermaphrodite community. The Edwards Report tried to reach King's CNN colleague Anderson Cooper for comment, but he was busy seeking advice from Campbell Brown on how to better read the news while simultaneously having your lips attached to Sen. Obama's backside.

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