Thursday, February 05, 2009 cites 3.2 million conservative registrations in two weeks.

San Francisco, CA – The progressive PAC, which gained notoriety among the unwashed masses for anti-Bush rehtoric since 2000, announced more than 3.2 million new registrations since President Barack Obama's coronation on January 20, 2009.

"Let me be clear," stated a bewildered Jennifer Lindenauer,'s Communication Director and vegan hacky-sack enthusiast, "we support this president and his administration. The advocacy requests we're getting from our base reflect a disconnect with our mission and message."

Patricia Stanley, a grandmother of three and part-time concealed carry handgun instructor from Smelterville, Idaho was pleased to count herself among the new 3.2 million Americans wanting to move on from the Obama administration. "I'm thrilled to be a part of an online community which shares my frustration with the failings of this president. I donated yesterday with the request they use the money to make one of [those] Nazi ads about that son-of-a-[President of the United States].

Millions of conservatives like Stanley echoed the sentiment. At an Applebee's in suburban Nebraska a small group of activists gathered to discuss the merits of their newfound platform for political activism. Attending the informal gathering was Robert Whybark who commented, "[] is like being a room full of old friends. We all have a common goal of removing this awful president. Some have other goals as well - and because of our political common ground - we're doing our best to educate ourselves on those topics to lend a hand." On the agenda that evening was a presentation on composting post-abortive fetus'.

Executive Director Eli Parister addressed a group of conservatives who had gathered outside's headquarters and formed a drum circle outside the existing drum circle which appeared in late 2003. "You all should go. This isn't what you think it is," Parister said but was drowned out by cheers and chants from the crowd of employed, well-groomed people.

"This is ridiculous," Parister later reverberated through the glass chasm of his water bong, "These new guys are vicious, hateful and crazy. You just can't reason with someone like that."

The 3.2 million new members increased advertising revenue at the site enough for the company to purchase new incense holders shaped like Indonesian fertility idols.

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