Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Edwards Report Announces Layoffs, Cutbacks

In a troubling sign of the current economic downturn, the Edwards Report, the Internet's least popular right wing parody site, announced massive layoffs and cutbacks during a press conference yesterday.  Current CEO Scott Edwards said that the thousands of assembly line workers across America who help in the production of the website would be laid off.  Fighting back tears, he said the move was an agonizing one, but was necessary in order to fulfill his annual bonus and keep the Edwards Report Mansion, rivaled only by the Playboy Mansion, well stocked with Scotch and young, aspiring actresses.  He also announced that the writers for the Edwards Report, about a dozen children in a Vietnam sweat shop, would see their daily one minute cigarette break canceled and their noodle rations cut in half, so the website could afford to pay the severance package to his personal secretary, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, who mysteriously had to leave her job after only five months.

1 comment:

chopke said...

You should ask Congress for a bailout. Ask for $10 billion -- you'd be a bargain at those rates!