Area Liberal Scoffs At Ignorance Of Others

Portland, OR - Local resident Harold Scrottle frequently finds himself scoffing at the ignorance of those around him. "It's amazing," he said, as he sat at an outside table at The Hammer & Sickle, a self-styled progressive cafe in the northeast section of town. "Just listen to the nonsense coming out of people's mouths. It's clear they only listen to Rush Limbaugh or watch Faux, I mean Fox, News," he continued, laughing uproariously at his wordplay. As he sipped a cup of organic, fair trade coffee that he had sweetened with organic turbinado sugar before adding soy milk, he expressed his frustration with this segment of society. "I know these people are ignorant. I watch and listen to a wide variety of programming to have a global perspective," Scrottle stated, before naming his news sources as Amy Goodman, Al Jazeera, Jon Stewart, and Keith Olbermann. Scrottle lit an American Spirit cigarette, then continued: "I mean, Limbaugh and Faux, I mean Fox, News just endlessly repeat stories that Sen. Obama is a secret Muslim and an atheist homosexual. That is a fact." When asked if he had heard or seen this himself, he admitted to having never heard Limbaugh or seen Fox News, but had read all about the media outlets on either the Democrat Underground or Daily Kos website. "When I hear these right wing, mind-numbed robots repeat their talking points on the so-called 'War on Terror,' I cringe at their ignorance. But they don't have the academic background I do," said Scrottle, who once took a class on the Middle East while earning his associate degree in conflict resolution from the local community college. He adjusted his beret, wiped the Che chili off of his beard, and headed for his bicycle, resigned to the ignorance he was sure to encounter on his way back to the studio apartment he shares with four roommates.