Axis of Evil Starts PAC

The Axis of Evil announced this morning that the group will be forming a political action committee (PAC) to help in the election efforts of Sen. Barack Obama. While technically illegal, they have received assurances from the Obama campaign that it will not be an issue. The PAC will include Great Leader Kim Jong-il of North Korea and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. Saddam Hussein of Iraq was unavailable, so the group held an event called Despot Idol to find a replacement. The first winner was Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe but he was mysteriously poisoned. The eventual victor was Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was reportedly very angry when he received his low score on the final round, and was overheard saying, "I knew that Simon was a jackass. He must be working with the neoliberal Bush." When reached for comment, Ahmadinejad said he started the PAC because, "America needs change. And hope. I think Barack Obama is the man for that. He will raise taxes on businesses to ensure taxation fairness and that America is never again the world's economic leader. Oh, and he can recite the Islamic call to prayer in Arabic, which is really just the icing on the cake." He then abruptly hung up the phone because he had to officiate over a stoning of homosexuals who don't exist. Equally excited was Kim, who remarked, "This is like so totally awesome. When Mahmound called me, I was like, I am so in, and he was all like, this is going to be so hot." He then asked to speak to Hannah Montana. At the press conference announcing the addition of the Russian Prime Minister, Putin stated Obama "brings us hope and change. Hope that no one will stand in our way, and change from the current policy of so rudely defending freedom."

EXCLUSIVE: Transcript From Thursday's VP Debate!

The Edwards Report has obtained an exclusive copy of a transcript from CNN for Thursday night's vice presidential debate. The transcript was hard to obtain, as the debate has yet to happen. In following the very highest in journalistic standards, we now present the transcript to you, the reader:

Sen. Biden: . . . as Lincoln said on the radio after the outbreak of the Revolutionary War, 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

Gov. Palin: Well, it would be the position of a McCain administration that Russia represents a threat to democracy throughout the world, and we must address this issue seriously but without igniting another Cold War.

Sen. Biden: I'd like to respond to that. I would, I mean Sen. Obama would, respond like Gen. Sherman who called in air strikes and, in fact, personally drove the tank that led the charge to sack Constantinople.

Gov. Palin: Um . . . well, Sen. McCain and I believe that we should continue the path to victory in Iraq that was put forth by Gen. Petraeus, and . . .

Sen. Biden: Well, I went to law school, so I know full well that a Biden administration, I mean an Obama/Biden administration, would respond to any terrorist attack like Genghis Khan who flew his magic carpet as he went on to conquer the Aztecs.

Gwen Ifill: Thank you both for joining us. Goodnight.

Campbell Brown: There you have the first and only vice presidential debate, and you have to wonder if the McCain camp purposely set it up for only one debate.

Anderson Cooper: Absolutely. Sen. Biden came into this as an underdog, but came away the clear winner. Throughout the debate he was able to demonstrate his vast foreign policy experience. For some commentary, let's go to James Carville. James?

James Carville: Thanks, Anderson. Clearly little Sarah is in over her head. She made so many gaffes tonight I couldn't add them up.

Brown: We just heard James Carville's view, now for the other side, let's go to Paul Begala. Paul?

Paul Begala: Thanks, Campbell. Clearly little Sarah is in over her head. She made so many gaffes tonight I couldn't add them up.

Brown: After tonight's performance, you have to wonder how long Gov. Palin stays on the McCain ticket. Keep it here on CNN, always no bias, no bull.

http://edwardsreport.blogspot.com/2008/09/exclusive-transcript-from-thursdays-vp.html