In order to improve America's reputation among terrorists who want to kill us, President Obama has issued an executive order instituting sharia law within the White House. The decision to implement sharia, the Islamic law, was met with cheers from Islamic spokesmen in Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Buttfarkistan, who praised the move by Obama before returning to planning bombings, developing nuclear weapons, and plotting attacks on Americans.
The reaction was varied in the White House, but spokesman Robert Gibbs tried to alleviate any fears. "Take for example Chief of Staff Rahm Emaunel," he said at a press conference this morning. "He's Jewish, so he will feel right at home in a White House that doesn't serve pork. Of course, as a dirty Jew, he will not actually be allowed in the White House anymore. Or to live." Gibbs, who will change his name to Ahmed Ahmed tomorrow, said there was no truth to the rumor that Sharia law was only instituted to force Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi to wear burqas. Reactions outside the White House were varied. The decision was not popular on Capital Hill, especially when it was learned that Rep. Barney Frank and Sen. Barbara Mikulski would be stoned to death if they set foot in the White House. But the response from the American Civil Liberties Union was supportive. "As long as they don't put up a creche or a copy of the Ten Commandments, we are fine with this decision," said Harold Scrottle, ACLU spokesman. The one exception to Sharia law will be the Oval Office, where President Obama will still be allowed to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes and snort cocaine.
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