Left Admits: We Were Kidding About Free Speech

After several recent incidents involving leftists seeking to intimidate or squelch speech, including physically intimidating blogger Michelle Malkin and Fox News reporter Griff Jenkins and seeking to shut down anti-Obama television advertising, the Left has officially admitted that they really don't believe in free speech. Official Left spokeswomyn Harold Scrottle, a transsexual, said "We routinely claim free speech as one of our guiding principles, but we can longer say that with a straight face. Look at our embrace of bringing back the Fairness Doctrine to squelch conservative talk radio. We on the Left like to think of 'free speech' as government sponsored art that involves a crucifix in urine or elephant dung on the Virgin Mary, not anyone advocating an opinion we find offensive, such as cutting taxes." Scrottle, who will be using the same surgeon Keith Olbermann used for his sex reassignment surgery , went on to mention college speech codes, hate crimes laws, and campaign finance reform as other examples of the Left's lack of free speech credentials. "It was hard to believe that after we took those stands that anyone actually took us serious as free speech supporters." He went on to laugh about how the Left "will try to stifle conservatives they ridiculously label as Nazis such as Rush Limbaugh, but will defend the right of free speech of actual Nazis." After the Left failed to defend the right of journalists to print the Muhammad cartoons, many on the Left wondered how long the charade of supporting free speech would be able to continue. Scrottle says the decision to admit the truth was difficult, but necessary, before adding, "If you actually print this article, we will accuse you of being a fascist and against free speech."